boazjachin | ic inbox ( reverie )

If I told you that I experienced an earthquake on the station, would you believe me?

[Stemming from a conversation she had with Ryuji at least a day ago at this point. It's easier to ask these questions when Makoto isn't here to read her face.]

Of course I would.

[It's not even in question. She trusts Haru as she trusts only a select number of people.]

Before I came back to the room the first day we were here, I experienced something like that. But when it was over it was like nothing happened.

I'm sorry for not saying so sooner.

[She's silly for not having told Makoto sooner, and she still hasn't told Ren.]

You haven't experienced anything similar right?

Please don't apologize. I'm glad you're telling me now, but I understand not being sure whether to bring it up or not.

I haven't experienced anything like an earthquake, no. But

[God, this sounds so dumb. She squints, then wearily types out the rest of the message.]

My arms got stuck. In a wall. For a while.

I didn't want to say too much around 2B-san either, I... didn't want to sound too crazy.

[And then Makoto tells her about the wall, and honestly? What the hell is going on around here.]

You too, huh? I met someone earlier that was also stuck in a wall. How did you manage to get out? Are you okay?

So we have an interesting development: Noir, Skull and I have had our masks returned to us.

Outside of the Metaverse.

Makoto-chan, I think I need you.

[This is a very concise and probably worrisome text message? Haru hadn't made much contact since two entire days ago...which is likely unusual for her.]

[It's very unusual, and terrifying. It would be terrifying at any time, but right now?]

Haru?

Where are you?

Observation deck.

[She's all but hit the apathy stage. She just wants to sleep. She wants to do something other than stare at these stupid stars and planets.]

1 minute

[She runs. She's exhausted, and shaking, and dizzy, but she runs as well as she can, because . . . how much does it take for Haru to ask for help, ever? She has to run.]

[She's all in disarray when she hits the observation deck, eyes wild and bloodshot.] Haru!

[It takes five days of no sleeping and a mental breakdown, she thinks. She probably has had four mental breakdowns in the span of three days. It's not been good.

When Makoto arrives, Haru doesn't look at all harmed. Just... sitting there. Contemplating the existence of everything.]

Makoto-chan...

Haru.

[She can hear her heartbeat in her ears, pounding, not slowing. Her body doesn't want to move anymore, but she crosses the space between them and sits next to Haru. Pale, lips taut with worry, she bites the inside of her cheek and then reaches for Haru's hand.]

What can I do?

[This is the first real contact she's had with anyone since she decided it would be a good idea to try and disappear for a while. Even going so far as avoiding her friends. Idiot. She's an idiot.

She takes a breath, just... holding Makoto's hand.]

Anything that would make both of us sleep.

[She's begging the music to stop at this point, she wants absolute silence after this is over.] I was pulling away from people, I needed to see someone I trusted.

[For a moment, Makoto just breathes. Sits in the reality of the neverending music and Haru's hand warm in hers. Briefly, she closes her eyes and squeezes.]

I was worried about you.

[Whispered, as she leans in close with her fingers laced through Haru's. She's been worried about everyone, everyone but herself, and Haru most of all. Haru needs her. Haru needs--people. Needs to not be alone.]

So--so thank you. For calling for me. I want to help, I want to be here.

I apologize, I shouldn't have pulled away like that.

[She wasn't, still isn't thinking. She takes the warmth Makoto is giving her and just leans full body into it. Makoto is safe and comfortable. That's all she wants right now. Someone who gets what she needs.]

Please don't worry anymore.

I can't stop.

[Which--it's not clear, it isn't at all. What she means is that she's always worrying, and now even more than usual she can't make herself stop. Nothing she does is ever quite enough to keep the people she loves safe.]

[With a wobbly smile, she half-turns to Haru and gives her hair an awkward pet with her free hand.]

You didn't do anything wrong. It's just hard. Everything's hard right now.

It was still wrong of me to try running away. I knew it wouldn't help...so why? Why did I do it?

[Tears don't come anymore. She's cried more in the last three days than she has in the entire year. She can't keep a handle on herself like this.

When she feels Makoto's hand in her hair, it's like the tension melts out of her body.]

I don't want to upset you.

[Makoto watches, awed, as Haru relaxes under her touch. She isn't good at this, she knows, so it's a shock that she can help even a little bit. Hesitantly, she repeats the motion, carding her fingers through Haru's hair and watching her closely for signs she's doing something wrong.]

You were scared. And sad--weren't you? People do things that don't make sense when they're scared and sad. [Her fingers pause for a moment before starting up again.] I don't want you to be upset alone, though. I'd rather feel horrible with you than have you feel that way alone.

[She is much more relaxed now than she was five minutes ago. Relaxing further as long as Makoto keeps the touching up. The familiarity of it is what is keeping her right here next to her.]

I'm still both of those things. But I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm tired...I'm tired of being tired and alone. [She curls in closer.]

It felt like, well— I was beginning to feel like I used to feel before I met all of you.

Oh.

[Her voice is soft, sad. Impulsively, she unlaces her fingers from Haru's and wraps an arm around her shoulders instead, pulling her closer as she brushes her hair out of her face.]

You'll never be alone like that again, Haru. Not ever. We won't let that happen.

It was my own fault. I tried to pull away.

[She’s still a little tense, but she tucks her face into Makoto’s neck. Tears still won’t come but this makes the Backstreet Boys bearable.]

[Backstreet's back, all right. Unfortunately. Makoto, in her turn, tucks her face against Haru's hair. Just being close to her helps, somehow; the music still grates against her nerves, and she still feels like she wants to peel her skin off a little, but Haru has always felt safe.]

But we'll always come running to find you, even if you do. Even if you pull away, we'll find you again.

[At least they aren't on a 150+ hour loop of Despacito, that would be really much sadder in this situation. Makoto is her safe haven right now. She has done a lot she regrets already.

Slapping Ren, trying to turn from Ryuji when he needed her, shouting at Hajime.]

Thank you, Makoto-chan. I don't...I don't know how to thank you more than this.

[Isn't that just like Haru? Even when she's asking for help, she thinks she's not doing it right. Unable to help herself, Makoto shudders, draws Haru in closer in a tight hug.]

This--this helps. I feel horrible, but this helps so much. Is that selfish?

It's not selfish if I think the same.

[Her skin is crawling, her head hurts. But none of that really matters when Makoto is sitting next to her. Her arms looping around her the best she can manage. She regrets trying to hide. Laying in bed like this would have been so much better than crying alone.]

Oh. [She lets out a soft, weak laugh.] Okay. That's a relief.

[If Haru pushed her away now she doesn't know what she'd do. This has all been too much; she feels like she's on a hair trigger. But if Haru didn't want her here, or if she hurt Haru somehow, she doesn't know how she'd live with herself.]

[They all feel so fractured right now. She wishes everyone was here, at the same time as she's glad that she doesn't have to share this moment with anyone else. Leaning her temple against Haru's, she finally allows herself to close her eyes.]

That's good. I don't want to let go of you now that I know where you are.

Please don't let go of me.

[She curls in on Makoto a little more than before, the fear of someone leaving her rising again. She can't help it, she can't bring herself to stop being afraid right now. The very fragments of who they are fraying as they speak.

Haru isn't even sure she is deserving of this much.]

Makoto-chan, I feel really bad. I was so awful to Ren-kun. I tried running from Ryuji-kun when he needed me most too. Yusuke-kun even got frustrated with me.

[Haru is...quite simply. A mess.]

ic inbox ( reverie )

un:noir ; breaking in your inbox HAHA

YOUR CITY NOW

CLAIMS THIS SPACE

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un: @joker

@noir; this is prob 5 days into the hell music

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